


the road not taken looks real good now

by margaeries



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes to Lovers, F/M, Light Angst, Vaguely Christmassy, it's post-breakup Jonah of course there's angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28266459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margaeries/pseuds/margaeries
Summary: •there's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me.•(It's like she's a ghost, haunting him, and the most fucked-up part is, he doesn't mind.He wonders if he's haunting her, too.)
Relationships: Amy Dubanowski/Jonah Simms, mentions of Dina/Garrett bcos I can't resist
Comments: 21
Kudos: 52





	the road not taken looks real good now

**Author's Note:**

> This was literally written in my notes on my phone at 2am because apparently, nothing inspires me unless it's Taylor Swift. ANYWAY, listen to 'Tis the Damn Season and tell me you don't think of Amelia Sosa, dare you.
> 
> Mistakes and spelling errors will therefore be made, I just wanted to release this into the wild before Christmas! 
> 
> (Yes, the song reminds me of Amy, but this fic is all Jonah POV, because I find it easier to get into my man's head, no, I will not elaborate)
> 
> (Also I know they address it on the show, but COVID is not a thing here, because it's my story and I make the rules and I want to live in fantasy land, dammit)
> 
> (Furthermore, Superstore timelines confuse me, and I have no idea of the progression of time in S6 so far, so don't @ me if this doesn't fit)
> 
> (T for language)

The clouds are heavy, the kind of stark grey that comes before snow. The roads are quiet as he drives into work, eerily so for this time of year, and Jonah feels like he’s on the edge of something - a discovery, an epiphany... a breakdown.

The months without Amy have taken their toll. Sure, he doesn't always automatically reach for her when he awakes anymore, only to be greeted by a cold pillow. And he's finding it harder and harder to remember the sound of her laugh, the husky rumble that he always swore he could feel in his own chest.

But there are still bad days. There are days when he misses her so much it aches, and he wants to pick up the phone and say, _screw marriage, I should never have pushed it if it meant losing you_. He is ever aware that it was him that ended things, even if he did leave it open like a question mark rather than a period. She had been happy simply to be with him, and he, like a lovesick fool, wanted more and more and more.

He gets a therapist, paid for by his eldest brother, who pesters him during some concerning phone calls. A sensible-looking woman who wears rimless glasses and scratchy sweaters, Anna reassures him that it was perfectly okay to have wanted some confirmation of the direction of his relationship. She tells him that he now needs to find a new purpose, something else to give him meaning, a reason to get up everyday. She gently suggests widening his circle of friends, maybe to get out and meet some new people. He hears what she's not saying, the conclusion that she is hoping he will come to himself: that maybe it's time to put himself out there and find someone new.

Just the thought of some stranger in his bed, in his life, someone that's not _her_ , plants a vague sense of panic that blooms in the pit of his stomach.

He doesn't want to "widen his friend circle" either, even though deep down, he thinks it's probably a good idea. All his friends are from work, and they have too many shared references and memories, their lives are too intertwined. A few new faces would allow him to project a calmer, more put-together version of himself into the world. But he takes comfort in knowing that these people, _his_ people, have seen him through some of his worst nights and still stood by his side, bagging groceries and stocking shelves, the next day.

Garrett is reassuringly _there:_ he helps him move into his new apartment, buys him drinks when he feels like shit, distracts him with video games and basketball tournaments and his Dina issues. Jonah knows that they're on the verge of becoming a thing again, and he vacillates between being happy for them and wanting to skip work so he doesn't have to see the way they look at each other, all heated stares and longing and potential. It's too much, too reminiscent of the way _they_ were, back before their house of cards fell down, before it was even built and the idea of being with her kept him up at night.

Dina, to her credit, keeps out of his way for the most part. He knows that she speaks to Amy every now and then, that they have made plans to meet in the New Year. A vision of Dina on the beach in Cali, maybe wearing a straw hat with sunblock thick across her nose, draws a smile from his reluctant face. If Amy was there, he would have shared the thought, would have savoured the warmth that came from making her laugh.

It's like she's a ghost, haunting him, and the most fucked-up part is, he doesn't mind. He knows it's not healthy, that he's holding onto memories, living in the past. But he wants her ghost there, takes comfort in the way she wanders into his mind sometimes, makes him feel a little less alone.

He wonders if he's haunting her, too.

***

At first, he thinks that it's another ghost, a memory of happier times that's now following him at work. It's impossible to not see her wherever he goes in the store, but this is a new one. Because he swears he can hear Parker.

His heart clenches, because God, he misses that boy. He wonders if Parker even remembers him, and swallows down the sadness that this avenue of thought creates.

" _Dada!_ "

The world seems to stop. There's a little boy toddling along the floor between the yard decorations and the outdoor lights, and he's heading straight for Jonah. Without thinking, Jonah runs towards the boy, scooping him up into his arms. Parker grabs his nose and his heart feels twice the size. He smells like oatmeal and baby shampoo and something that reminds him of Amy’s old house, their home together.

"Dada dada dada," exclaims Parker happily, pointing at Jonah and he has to take a deep breath because otherwise, he's going to burst into fucking tears in Cloud 9. He takes a good look at the boy instead, committing his face to memory. Those cherubic cheeks and mischievous eyes are the same, but he's slightly taller, and he seems more animated, wanting to chat.

"Parker, I turn my back for _one_ second and you've crawled off already! Do you know how _dangerous_ Cloud 9s are? The kind of people that shop here?"

A frantic voice calls out, and it's her, _Amy_ is in the store, running on heels, followed by a worried Glenn.

In the end, all it takes is one look and everything comes rushing back. Of course, it never really left him, but he takes her in, the _realness_ of her, and wonders how he has survived so long thinking that her ghost alone would suffice.

Had her eyes always looked so brown, her mouth so plump? Her hair is shorter, with warm highlights and her skin is sun-kissed and glowing. She seems thinner than usual though, and that concerns him; maybe she's struggling out there alone.

Or has she found somebody else? Has it been easier for her to forget, the way it will never be for him? There are a million ways to torture himself, and this seems like a good place to start.

" _Jonah_ ," she says, voice low, and he feels his knees go weak.

"Amy. It's... good to see you," is all he can reply, and boy, is that an understatement. It surprises him that seeing her isn't painful, like he has thought it would be. It just feels right, like she is meant to be in his world. She belongs wherever he is.

"You look well." Her eyes are appraising him, taking everything in and he tries not to blush under her gaze. He recalls that she has always loved how easily he reddens, how little it takes to bring the pink to his cheeks.

"New hair?" He doesn't think he can comment on anything else. It will reveal the longing he still feels for her, the rawness of how much he still wants her. Oh, he's a fool alright, for thinking that time could lessen the pull she has over him. This is, after all, the woman he had waited for, for over two years. What was a few months of separation in comparison to that, really?

"Yeah... felt like a change."

"It suits you."

There is so much that he wants to say, but now that she is here, he finds that he cannot speak. The words are stuck at the back of his throat, and he coughs, as though that might dislodge them like a physical obstruction.

"Thanks." It seems as though she is struggling with her words, too.

Parker is tugging at his hair, his chubby hand waving and trying to get his attention.

"He's due a snack, I think. We got in really early this morning and had barely any time for breakfast."

"Can... can I feed him?" He probably sounds pathetic, but he's not ready to hand Parker over yet. He doesn't know when he'll get to see him next, if he ever will, and he can't lose this chance to spend some more time with the boy.

Amy softens, fondness in her eyes. "Sure. Let's take this to the break room." She doesn't reach for Parker, understanding that Jonah needs this. He clutches the baby tightly but gently, not believing this turn of events.

"I know you two have a lot of catching up to do, but I need Jonah back out here, Amy. Santa arrives tomorrow and I want all hands on deck to prepare his grotto."

"Of course, Glenn."

While he shares apples and crackers with Parker, they talk about inconsequential things, safe topics like the weather and their parents. He mentions his new meditation app, a coffee place that just opened that he really likes. She describes Parker's new daycare, their trips to the beach. At one point, she jokes about how he would fit in so well in Palo Alto, with his kombucha and cold brews and patterned socks. The image of him in her new world is enough to stop them both in their tracks, the atmosphere going from light to awkward in seconds. She clears her throat and changes the subject.

At midday, Amy disappears to take Parker to see her parents and he mourns the loss. Cheyenne and Mateo help him organise the grotto and though their looks are infuriatingly knowing, he doesn't give anything away. Instead, he busies himself with fake snow and straw and tinsel and ignores how Mateo seems ready to burst with curiosity.

Amy returns, sans Parker, in the evening, but she is swallowed into Glenn's office for a lengthy Zoom meeting. He's subconsciously counting down the hours until she leaves, till he has to go back to not seeing her or talking to her. He doesn't know where she's staying or how long she's here for and it nauseates him. He has to make frequent trips to the bathroom, much to Dina's annoyance - she makes a pointed comment about meat consumption and gut health.

***

It's inevitable that he finds her here, at their spot in garden furniture. They've always saved each other a seat here, and tonight, it's no different. She's watching the snow that's finally falling, the way the flakes clump and stick together when they tumble to the ground.

Wordlessly, he takes the spot next to her on a wooden bench, rubs his hands on his thighs to get some feeling back in them, contemplates what to say. He knows he has had his fill of small talk.

"Are you happy? Out there?" He almost holds his breath, not sure he actually wants to know. His happiness depends on her own, but if she's fine, then where does that leave him?

"I go to work, I spend time with the kids, I clean, I attend the odd corporate function... it's fine, I guess. Nothing to complain about. What about you?" 

It doesn't elude him that she hasn't answered his question.

"Me? Pretty much the same, give or take a couple of corporate functions," he quips. It raises a smile from her. He can't stop himself from asking, "Is there... anyone new in your life?"

She inhales sharply, then lets it out in one long breath, visible in the frigid air.

"How can you ask me that?"

"I... didn't mean anything by it. I just -"

"You _what,_ exactly? You think that you could stay in St. Louis and I would just go off and find someone else? Do you really think that's the kind of person I am, Jonah? That you meant that little to me?"

"I... no, _of course not_. I, I don't _know_ , Amy. That was the whole point, remember? I don't know what I am, what I was to you." He tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice, fails.

"I let you into my life, my home, my children's life. I know that wasn't enough for you, but for me, it wasn't a light decision. I wouldn't let just anyone in."

He can't look at her right now. Instead, he twists and yanks at his gloved fingers, a nervous tic he has never quite managed to shake off.

"I know you decided not to come with me, but you're not that forgettable, Jonah. I couldn't replace you even if I wanted to."

His heart flutters at her words; she hasn’t found somebody else, she still wants him, even after all this time. It's too much, the hope of it all, but nevertheless he clings on to it like a life preserver.

"Have _you_ met someone else? I know Dina said she saw you talking to a new woman in the store a couple of weeks ago, but she didn't give me any details..." 

He can't ignore the jealousy in her voice, a little sign that all is not yet lost, and it bubbles pleasantly through him.

"No, I haven't. And that was most likely my therapist, who inexplicably shops here sometimes and who thinks I should move on from you. Oh, yeah, I have a therapist now, by the way." He's babbling to hide the whirlwind of emotions churning through him.

"Oh? How's that going for you?" If she's surprised, she doesn't show it, and he's grateful.

"It's going. It's kind of nice to have someone outside the picture to talk to. And I only feel judged every other session, so that's something."

"Hmm. Maybe I should try it."

"I can get you her number. Then she can compare notes on us."

"And what makes you think I would talk about you at these sessions?"

There's a playful glint in her eyes, and it awakens something in him, something that has been dormant for the longest time ( _since she's been gone_ ).

"I don't know, maybe the way you couldn't take your eyes off me earlier?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I was tired and you took me by surprise." But there's no malice, only affection.

"Seeing me at my place of work surprises you so easily? Yeah, you must have been tired."

" _Shut up_. But speaking of, I’ve got a morning meeting tomorrow and I could really use some sleep. I should go." She gets up, but he can see that she's reluctant to leave ( _him?_ ). This is his only chance, to test the waters, to put things right, to reorient his path towards her.

"Amy, wait." She was expecting it, so she is quick to turn, her eyes bright, full of unnamed emotion. He tentatively reaches out, takes her hand in his. When she doesn't pull away, it emboldens him to speak.

"I want... I want to see you again."

"I don't know when I can get away after Christmas. My schedule is full, and there's so much to consider..."

"Just tell me this: do you want to see _me_?" He braces himself for her answer, knowing it will either heal or destroy him completely. It’s scary, in a way, the power she has.

"God, _yes_."

Snow softly drifts down, tickling their cheeks, sticking to their clothes and hair. Her nose is red and she's sniffling, but she's never looked more beautiful than in this moment. He sees something shift in her eyes and then, it's impossible to stop himself from leaning in, closing the space between them until their lips touch.

Kissing her feels like coming home.

Yes, he can't deny the simmering desire burning slowly in his stomach at the way she moves against him, but mostly, he feels warm and happy and _who_ _le_. This is how it's supposed to be, with her face in his hands and his thumbs stroking her cheeks and her arms clinging onto his like her life depended on it.

When she draws back, they sigh and she touches her forehead to his and he knows then, that this has all been just as hard for her, that she has been trying not to break. He gathers her in his arms, and she collapses against his chest. Her scent envelops him, the feel of her overwhelms him in the best way. If there are tears in his eyes, well then, no one else needs to know.

" _God, I’ve missed you,_ " he whispers into her hair.

"So much. It hurts." He can hear the pain in her trembling voice and he hates that he's the one that put it there, but they have both thrown knives at each other, both bled, and what are they even doing anymore? Being apart is misery for both of them, so why are they even trying to prolong this?

"I'm so sorry, Amy. For pushing, for making you feel like you had to have an answer then and there."

" _Shh_ , shh. I’m the one who needs to apologise. I'm sorry for ever making you feel like you weren't enough, or that I wasn't serious about you or us. It killed me when you compared yourself to Adam. My biggest regret is ever bringing him up that day."

"How come?"

She takes a deep breath.

"Because when I married him, I thought I had to. It felt inevitable, like I didn't have a choice. And with you, every time, even when I shouldn't have, I _chose_ you. I would still choose you, despite everything. I've never wanted anyone like I wanted you. Like I still want you. I always will."

She's the one blushing, now. Lightness balloons in his chest, suddenly threatens to lift him off the ground. It may not be a yes to a proposal, but the words are still music to his ears.

"That's all I needed, Amy. We don't have to get married or anything... I just wanted to know that you felt the same way about me that I do about you."

For a second, he questions himself for being too open, too vulnerable, the words rushing out, but they are past the point of concealing these feelings now. This unchartered territory is new to both of them, but if they have any hope of building a future, this conversation needs to happen.

He's always been painfully aware that he fell first, that it would take a while for her to catch up while he waited, offering whatever she needed to take from him in the meantime. Now, he's done waiting; it's her turn to offer something in return.

Her resolve seems to strengthen. "Jonah, I love you so much. You're it for me. I might not want to get married right now, but that doesn't mean I never will. There is no one else for me. And you're Parker's father too, and he loves you and needs you, deserves to have you in his life."

The thought of being part of her family again tugs at his heart; he misses their domestic routines almost as much as he misses her. He longs to see Parker grow up, wants to be there at all those key moments in his life. Maybe, one day, they could even have another child, a girl perhaps, with his eyes and her smile...

Shaking the fantasy away, he takes in her face, under the lights of the parking lot. He gets that feeling again, like he's on the edge of something. Only this time, it doesn't come accompanied with a sense of dread. This time, it feels hopeful, defiant, like new blooms bursting forth in spring after a long winter.

Judging by her expression, Amy's thoughts are echoing his, and suddenly, everything falls into place. They will be alright, can deal with whatever comes their way. He finds that he doesn't even need the answers to all those difficult questions anymore, wonders why they ever mattered. To have her, to be held by her, _loved_ by her is the only answer he needs.

"I love you more," he states simply, claiming her mouth once again. He is first to break the contact this time, her eyes still closed, and her dreamlike appearance makes him weak with anticipation. 

"Jonah, take me home," she says, all thoughts of sleep abandoned, and it's _enough_ , so much more than enough. It's everything.

**Author's Note:**

> After 6x02, I was so destroyed that my love for Amy/Jonah kind of vanished. I wrote 3 different fix-it fics that were fine, but couldn't finish them. I started bingeing other shows that wouldn't ruin me (can't believe I can say that about a frickin' sitcom, but here we are).
> 
> But Taylor Swift came through to save my year and inspiration hit, and even though the cancellation news is sad, these two will always have a special place in my heart. Also, this kind of came about because I wanted them to kiss in the snow because sometimes cliché is comfort. (The "Moment of Beauty" vibes are inherent) Please allow me some cheese at Christmas.
> 
> Happy holidays, all!


End file.
